Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Afraid To Do

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
I understand that if I were to write this secret down, it would be as if I was born anew.  I could lay my burden down, leave it behind me, and almost glide into tomorrow.  Yet, despite freedom at my fingertips, I'm reluctant to reveal it.  I've carried this secret for a long time; so long that its influence, for better or for worse, has shaped the man I am today.  I could no more lay it down on a whim than remove my scars; and really, why would I?  It's not as if my secret is holding me back, keeping me down, inhibiting my full enjoyment of life or any complete expressions of love.  Rather, it's like having a Jiminy Cricket in my head, that reminds me to not make that mistake again (though like Pinocchio, I sometimes ignore).
It's not that this secret will never see the light of day.  I will, inevitably, need to share it with someone, but that time is not now and that person isn't here.  Some things are best said face-to-face, with a someone close to you, 
and not on the internet...
Today taught the lesson that I must be intentional to make space for creativity.


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